The Driving Force

Existence of God is a widely discussed topic. I am not in an attempt to question it as I believe it does and personally speaking it is something beyond belief. The association with God and religion is something different; or rather the associates make it increasingly confusing.

Having been brought up in a traditional Hindu family in India, I worship Hindu Gods and came across more on Hinduism. In most cases you tend to follow what you are exposed to and inherit your family traits more. I am not for or against idol worship too, after all effigies are one of the best ways of representation. I personally feel religion, God and ways of worship are all means to engage you to some driving force. I am sure the ultimate aim of this was always to make good human beings; if not ideal (not anything less!). Civilised and Humane! However, the disputes on religion have been frolic always. I don’t see any religion inferior; my understanding is that all of them preach the same. I have done my 10 years of schooling with a Christian Missionary; this didn’t make me look upon my religion as inferior or superior. I believe in Lord Shiva, Krishna in the same way as Christ and Allah. But, the way you do things would be in the way you are used to. When I am in panic, I would obviously say, “ende Krishna”…However, when I was in school there was this influence from friends which made me use ‘karthave’ to a good extent; that’s influence. I believe there is a God, the driving force which is ascribed to ‘Energy’ by analysts in relation to this. Energy involved in the process of prayers has been proved in many places, not the magic of God or religion.

Having been interacting with a wide range of people, I have felt differences with the way people from different religions act and think. But, it is certainly not to do with their religion, it attributes to their environments. If you are taught to see a religion as a nemesis and if you have not got enough exposure to experience the world, you may do that. That is not anyone’s fault, it is just circumstances and the perseverance continues to a point where it is no longer appropriate.

Having said all this what I realise is there is not a single day in my life I have been disconnected from the driving force. I have my little Krishna locket in my chain which I am hesitant to remove no matter what like my thali (mangalsutra – tie of togetherness). The little Krishna is there with me in my chain for ages, I don’t remember when I started having it with me. It has seen all the places I have seen in my life. I am sure that it is a superstition, but it is for my comfort and confidence. Why do I still say ‘touchwood’ and do touch even now? And, on thali it is not a mandatory thing to wear these days, at least not many does. Same with the wedding ring too. And my husband is not emphatic on these; but then, I haven’t removed them since my marriage. Sometimes I can sense the odd look or out of place state of them with my dress and costumes. But then, I guess I got so used to them. However, on the sindoor (the red mark you hold on your forehead) I am not a prompt person as I forget it when I get dressed. And never got this ‘must-do’ feels for that.

You change according to the circumstances in life, may be not with your belief but with how you go by it. When, I was in India my day was not complete without a visit to the temple nearby my house. I managed to get it done at least in the morning or in the evening for the prayers. And, if I felt lazy for and didn’t do it for a day, I used to feel a sense of fear or rather lack of confidence. Even then I knew they were all superstitions. But somehow was so used to the system. On leaving the city to Bangalore initially, I missed my routine but had no option to do the same. There were temples around, but then hardly got chance to visit them expect on occasions like birthdays and the likes. On leaving the country, I have not had a chance to experience a temple I was used to (except the Balaji temple in Birmingham). Here, the concept of temple is different, it is rather a place to get together; more like cultural centres. But they maintain idols, do the prayers, celebrate festivals and much more. I do appreciate the attempt, but my concept is different. I know I should not complain much as you can’t expect your style everywhere.

But, at home I do have my little idols and a smaller version of Pooja room where I do the same which I am used to for ages. I try my best to light the viliakku (a traditional lamp, which signifies prosperity) and do my regular prayers if I am IN station. The time for regular prayers has decreased from 30 minutes (years back) to less than 5 minutes these days. And, I do push SreeRaj also if he is around (which works sometimes!). I haven’t been doing this for the past one week the reason being we were out of station on the weekend; and yesterday I realised there are no more matches in the matchbox. Being non-smokers should not be a reason for not having a cigarette lighter at home, but I realised we don’t have one. The same situation has happened in our previous homes; but I had the option to light a candle from my gas stove for a solution. The new home has this electric hob which doesn’t allow me to do that. Another wild solution is to light a paper from the electric hob which takes ages and then to transfer it to a candle. This is too much of a process and risk involved is on the high side, also for the fire alarm which is waiting for a loud outburst. In short, have to get the matches shortly!!!