I wish I had an Undo button

I wish I had an Undo button

- when I had taken a wrong route and driven all the way to find an exit to come back
- when I scream at Na&Ma spontaneously on something when it could have been freely passed
 if not for the spur of the moment
- when I multi-task in kitchen and burn or overbake stuff
- when I push on deadlines with colleagues when some of them can wait if prioritised
- when I express unpleasant opinions with folks when I have no impending reasons to do so
- when my thoughts wander in the past on those undesired indelible moments

But if everything had an Undo, wouldnt it be too easy? If I know I can undo anything, wouldnt I
be more open on the Do button everytime?

Isnt the realisation of not having the Undo button making me a better person every moment!!!

New Found Language

I have always thought of penning down the interesting language Narayan developed and championed during the art of learning to talk. Due to a number of reasons (predominantly being lazy), never got to do it. But this one is something which I want to put down for my own records. Narayan has now come a far way from here which is making a sentence using the first syllable of the Malayalam words he knew (up at this point N was exclusively fed with Malayalam to understand and talk). From here he is now reasonably good with both Malayalam and English which I am really really proud of.

Back to the times when N was about 1.5 years and was still on breast feeds, we had visitors over and N was repeatedly telling me - "Amma, Koo Vaa Me Poo Paa Koo". No one had a clue except the S Nair clan at home. It was super fun and folks went rolling around and laughing when I translated it to human consumable format - Amma, Koode Vaa, Melil Pokaam, Paalu Kudikaaam!

I just miss it and all the fun with it when N is moving to the more civilised way of speech! 

After a break!

The most beautiful moment in life these days!

The evening pick up at nursery for Narayan - While I am driving back from work to nursery I usually have a million thoughts as this drive time is my only 'ME TIME' these days. Sometimes it could be Legare and potential clients and if there is anything further that I need to wfh that night once my kids are in bed. But most of the time I will be wondering if Narayan has had enough food from nursery, has he had good naps, did he cry at all etc.

I will be walking to the corridor of the nursery to Bossy Bears quietly to check what Narayan is doing because I want to observe him before he gets sight of me. Most of the time he will have occupied a lap of one of the nursery assistants and singing e-ia-e-ah-ooo (in his style)..or wandering around. Once he gets my sight he will come running and crying all over to me. I think we both forget the place and start kissing each other madly. I know he is not at all unhappy there, but he cries seeing me. Soon he will be my boy talking in his own words and picking up all his stuff from there and in a hurry to get out while I sign him out getting his updates in terms of food, naps and nappies. He will be telling his favourite 'kechi' (Chechi for nusery assistant) - 'Akkucheta, Baaa..Veee' (Akkucheta..Bus..Vilikanam')....Thats his favourite bit of the evening to pick his bro from school bus. 

Rejection - Reception

Rejection, at the receiver end is not a pleasant experience whatever the grounds may be. The sting of rejection could make you sombre even though there is no naïve penchant towards it and also when you are conscious of the consequences (un-wanted). Is that one among the not so perfect nuances of human nature?

- You try for something, you get it and then you reject it
- You try and not get it (though you don’t really want it), it is a poignant scene– simply because it is a rejection
- You try and you get it, you consume it (knowing and/or not knowing about it) – then you mourn about it – as you cannot reject it

Simple pleasures!

Isn’t it lovely to see a card and a gift on your desk when you come in on a Monday morning to work! Especially if that is a complete surprise and you have no clue who is it from until you open the card. This was what I got this Monday morning and hence I called this week a good week. One of my colleagues has taken the care to please me for one of my small achievements this way. And the initial days of the week were good – loads of compliments for multiple reasons, recognition for good work and of course good work life balance….and a happy Tak at home too….Touchwood!

Is that what you call ego?

My little one who is not two yet was fiddling around with TV remote last night and he couldn’t get what he wanted. Then I said, ‘Tak, you cannot do it, let me do it for you’. Then he passes the remote to you with an impeccant smile saying, ‘Amma big Tak schmaall’ and watched carefully how I did it. I was actually impressed, how much these little heads discover and process in there, and they are simply genius at application stage. I thought Tak was just learning to speak random words in two different languages, never knew he is up and ready to apply them depending on the contexts.

Well, here if you look at this one you can even see they even develop an ego at this early age. ‘Amma can do it because Amma is big, I cannot do it because I am small’. Haha, but here it was simply cute.

Getting adapted

Getting adapted forcefully to something/someone is not a pleasurable experience. Even though the outcome is one of the finest things you can think about. My little boy is going through the interim period of getting adapted to a childcare setting. Having been enjoying in the pampered and protective hands of grand parents while his parents are at work, this little sweetheart thought there isn’t another world. Now that it is time for him to set off with some childcare setting, he is hesitant in a very strong way. Even for the slight mention of his childminder he says ‘nana’ and is just not bothered to go. Once you leave him, there is this heartbreaking sight where you can see your little one crying (screaming/shouting/scaring other kids off) for you – ‘Ammaa Ammaaa’. Sometimes it will be more of sobs than tears, starts with screams though!

Sometimes I imagine it is not worth to be a working mother if your baby’s happiness is something else. But then if you look at it in the other side, how long will he be a sticky toffee pudding (I do call him that!) with you. He has to learn the concept of nursery today or tomorrow. Earlier the better I would say. It took him sometime to settle in to a nursery previously when he was much younger. But somehow I thought it would be rather easier this time. But my expectations are not getting met in this case. I know he will get there, but it is this bridging phase that keeps me on my toes (or put me on my emotional rides!). Yes, he has to socialise and learn the concept of sharing, waiting for his turns and of course to engage himself. Don’t get me wrong, he is one of the best sociable kids I have come across and is generally smiles and giggles with everyone. But the case with childminder, he knows his mother is going to run away dropping him off and it is the whole thought of being separated kicks in then. Otherwise he is not too touchy touchy (well, mummy baby relationships are always touchy, but he is not overboard generally).

And it is the whole thought of this separation and may be a little bit of insecurity sentiment too which has had another effect over the last few days – he has got even clingier to me. Can’t blame him, may be I (WE) give him too much attention when we are around. For example, I think it is not bad that my baby sleeps late (that is whenever we sleep!) so that we get that much time to spend with him; and he loves it too. He is not affected much because he gets sleep during the day! He sleeps in his cot through the first good part of his sleep, but comes to us once he wakes up in the middle - poor thing. Every child, parent as well as parenting is different. Again I think it is not bad to have him in your bed once he wakes up in the middle of his sleep. If not now, When? There will be a time they wouldn’t even want to be near you when they sleep, so why miss out now?

I know he will learn! Yes, every change happens for good – for that perfect balance.