Rejection - Reception

Rejection, at the receiver end is not a pleasant experience whatever the grounds may be. The sting of rejection could make you sombre even though there is no naïve penchant towards it and also when you are conscious of the consequences (un-wanted). Is that one among the not so perfect nuances of human nature?

- You try for something, you get it and then you reject it
- You try and not get it (though you don’t really want it), it is a poignant scene– simply because it is a rejection
- You try and you get it, you consume it (knowing and/or not knowing about it) – then you mourn about it – as you cannot reject it

Simple pleasures!

Isn’t it lovely to see a card and a gift on your desk when you come in on a Monday morning to work! Especially if that is a complete surprise and you have no clue who is it from until you open the card. This was what I got this Monday morning and hence I called this week a good week. One of my colleagues has taken the care to please me for one of my small achievements this way. And the initial days of the week were good – loads of compliments for multiple reasons, recognition for good work and of course good work life balance….and a happy Tak at home too….Touchwood!

Is that what you call ego?

My little one who is not two yet was fiddling around with TV remote last night and he couldn’t get what he wanted. Then I said, ‘Tak, you cannot do it, let me do it for you’. Then he passes the remote to you with an impeccant smile saying, ‘Amma big Tak schmaall’ and watched carefully how I did it. I was actually impressed, how much these little heads discover and process in there, and they are simply genius at application stage. I thought Tak was just learning to speak random words in two different languages, never knew he is up and ready to apply them depending on the contexts.

Well, here if you look at this one you can even see they even develop an ego at this early age. ‘Amma can do it because Amma is big, I cannot do it because I am small’. Haha, but here it was simply cute.

Getting adapted

Getting adapted forcefully to something/someone is not a pleasurable experience. Even though the outcome is one of the finest things you can think about. My little boy is going through the interim period of getting adapted to a childcare setting. Having been enjoying in the pampered and protective hands of grand parents while his parents are at work, this little sweetheart thought there isn’t another world. Now that it is time for him to set off with some childcare setting, he is hesitant in a very strong way. Even for the slight mention of his childminder he says ‘nana’ and is just not bothered to go. Once you leave him, there is this heartbreaking sight where you can see your little one crying (screaming/shouting/scaring other kids off) for you – ‘Ammaa Ammaaa’. Sometimes it will be more of sobs than tears, starts with screams though!

Sometimes I imagine it is not worth to be a working mother if your baby’s happiness is something else. But then if you look at it in the other side, how long will he be a sticky toffee pudding (I do call him that!) with you. He has to learn the concept of nursery today or tomorrow. Earlier the better I would say. It took him sometime to settle in to a nursery previously when he was much younger. But somehow I thought it would be rather easier this time. But my expectations are not getting met in this case. I know he will get there, but it is this bridging phase that keeps me on my toes (or put me on my emotional rides!). Yes, he has to socialise and learn the concept of sharing, waiting for his turns and of course to engage himself. Don’t get me wrong, he is one of the best sociable kids I have come across and is generally smiles and giggles with everyone. But the case with childminder, he knows his mother is going to run away dropping him off and it is the whole thought of being separated kicks in then. Otherwise he is not too touchy touchy (well, mummy baby relationships are always touchy, but he is not overboard generally).

And it is the whole thought of this separation and may be a little bit of insecurity sentiment too which has had another effect over the last few days – he has got even clingier to me. Can’t blame him, may be I (WE) give him too much attention when we are around. For example, I think it is not bad that my baby sleeps late (that is whenever we sleep!) so that we get that much time to spend with him; and he loves it too. He is not affected much because he gets sleep during the day! He sleeps in his cot through the first good part of his sleep, but comes to us once he wakes up in the middle - poor thing. Every child, parent as well as parenting is different. Again I think it is not bad to have him in your bed once he wakes up in the middle of his sleep. If not now, When? There will be a time they wouldn’t even want to be near you when they sleep, so why miss out now?

I know he will learn! Yes, every change happens for good – for that perfect balance.

Two states

Two states by Chetan Bhagat is a good entertainer. I am fan of this investment banker turned writer or vice versa; as he puts it he may not be the best writer, but certainly one f the loved writers now. I thoroughly enjoyed five point someone years ago, but one night at call center had put me down. And didn’t bother 3 mistakes of life, and people told me I have not missed much. Well, two states is a work that made me laugh and got me to the state of not putting the book down until I finished it. It is such a simple concept and elegant comedy where you can switch off your brains, sit, read and enjoy. No one needs a dictionary or help as there is not a single English word which is not used in common life. And there are a lot of resemblances (characters, plots, and happenings) which could be related to campus; which is hardly remembered otherwise. Sometimes you do go for those great literary works and you say ‘oh wow what a language, amazing’. But then, I doubt if they would get you to the state of ‘go on’ until you finish the book. I have been trying to read ‘Ignorance’ by Milan Kundera for the past two months. I open and read a couple of pages and I am not getting through. It may be that I get pulled for something else, or I doze off, or I am too tired to concentrate or my lovely Tak snatches the book and runs off! (I may crack it sometime, for example in a train/flight journey when there is no Tak or no connectivity)

Two states got me ‘sit and read’, may be it is just that I don’t get a chance to read much these days in my busy juggling between Tak, work and home apart from those quick glances at daily news, metros and regional highlights; may be just a bit more on some interesting news. But then yesterday was one of the first Sundays in ages when our social calendar was free and I could curl up to my sofa in my night dress until evening when I was forced to take a bath (of course woke up late and I try to train Tak to do so in weekends like this!). And while Tak was helping (!!!) his dad and granddad to do gardening and some DIY stuff at garage I got my space and got on with the book. I took breaks for lunch and snacks, but then Tak did interrupt several times ‘Amma NANA book NANA’. He hates to see his mom doing anything apart from ‘being’ with him when she is at home; and his routine enemies are phone, books, TV, laptop, kitchen and bathroom if his mum is involved! He makes most of me when I am at home, and I hide from him in my study area if I have to work from home. And yesterday, I gave Tak extra bonus to sleep on my lap as long as he wanted as I was comfy with two states in my couch. Of course, I enjoyed both parts!

There are certain things which make you think as well. Yes, life partners can be chosen by you as well as your folks could help out. When you choose it is your circumstances or the opportunities you had got gets you there just like how Krish met Ananya at IITM, same like how Krish had lost someone at IIT. Well, it is a gamble. I was talking to my Mr on this and asked would he be happy if Tak comes with someone of a different community/background. And what we came to a conclusion is that we could only get them in a position to think right, help them develop their personalities and choose the right. Of course, right is what you think right; your folks and circumstances mould you to get there. I am of the kind where I do have strong opinions about people, communities and cultures. You cannot stereotype here I know, but unfortunately in my experience I have met people from different parts of the world and have observed same goods and bads with geographical similarities (Again here, it may be what I define good and bad). Yes, the feeling of Indian is obviously the first (it increases if you live out of India I guess), but then for very personal stuff you still get biased with your regional stuff – South Indian/North Indian. For all, Madrasis seem long way for a Malayali!

It is not that I would be acting like Krish’s mom to Tak if he gets involved in something like that, but then it is different on how you would want things to happen. For all, Tak would not even believe in the concept of marriage (yup, they are the generation next after all). Or I would be shocked to get introduced to my son’s wife – haha! But I hope my son would have the trust and ability to let his parents know his feelings and his decisions - let it be anything friends, girls, future!

“What do you do?”

Somebody asked me today – “What do you do?” I looked at him with a smile actually thinking how to answer this question. Mr. X repeated “What do you do for living?”
Now there I go “I am a Consultant, IT Consultant”
Mr. X, “Oh so you do computers, ahaa”
Me, “Well, I do but then not everything”
Mr. X, “Do you fix them?”
Me, “No, I don’t. I am not hardware, I am with software”
Mr. X, “Right, so you do program stuff”
Me,” Well, I can… or I have done in the past. But now I don’t. I manage software projects”
Mr. X “Ahaa, so now you tell people to do it!”
Me with a laugh, “I tell people how to do it, and why should they do it, and why business wants them to do it!”
Mr. X, “So that means you tell others to do it and you make others work”
Me, “haa, sometimes…or rather most of the times these days”
Mr. X, “Good, I have no idea of what they do. I just know to email and browse”
Me, “That’s all about it. It is just that those people (and me) help you to do that!”

Sometimes I start off to a random question of ‘what do you do’ answering ‘I am a project manager’. But then people dig down to what, where, how, on what etc. Sometimes I say ‘I am an engineer’. Most of the times with that answer people don’t bother to ask you more.

Lie for no reason

Why should someone lie for no reason? I wonder why this trend takes place. I have come across a number of folks (family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances) who gets into it. The silliest class is of ones who just merely put a lie even if you don’t ask them for that, and I feel just so annoyed about it. And that just develops into a habit for some of them and they just simply make a clown of themselves. Those lies get easily caught on the spot or a little later; and sometimes just a one off occurrence of lie becomes a lifetime question mark on ones credibility. At least I wouldn’t trust them any longer.

There is a slight difference here where you don’t present an angry face to people you don’t like. In my opinion that cannot be classified as a lie; simply because you just can’t show a fuming face or in fact an uninterested face most of the times to people you dislike or don’t want to be with. You are part of a society and there are many settings which you would not want to break. For example, you can’t do that with your colleagues. Just because you don’t like them you can’t stop talking to them and show an angry face. It upsets the professional settings at work. Likewise everywhere there is a setting to be kept. But it is a different case if you always tag along someone and say ‘I love you/ you are my best friend/ love being with you etc’ when you hate that person. I am sure the concept of inner and outer relationships are maintained by a good majority and so do I. I have been accused earlier during my college days that I maintained too much of outer relationships where I smiled and talked to people I was not very happy with. But then that was simply because I didn’t want to upset the settings and be anti-social ‘I will not talk to you/I hate you/ enemy looks’ state and that is childish. May be at that point I was too scared to do that thinking about the consequences; and I am sure at least a good part of the smiles received and/or returned where of the same type.

Well, life has progressed much further than college days and my personality and people handling skills has progressed too. Guess there is still a degree of inner outer thingy that hangs around, but the outer types has lessened to a great extent predominantly because you tend to see and be with people who love and want to be with and there will be no more room for outer shows. But lies for no reason is different from this context

You ask somebody “where have you been last night?” It is ok if they tell you ‘I was out’, but if they tell you ‘I was at home cooking’ and you had seen this person pub crawling

You ask somebody “are you coming home with me?” It is ok if they tell you ‘sorry I have other plans’, but if they tell you ‘ I am going for house chores’ and you know that this person has already made plans to hang out with X

You ask someone “when are you off on holidays?” it is ok if they tell you ‘may be later this year’, but if they tell you ‘not decided I may not go at all’ when you clearly know that they have booked their tickets

You ask someone “where are you?” it is ok if they tell you ‘I am out going somewhere’, but if they tell you ‘I am going home, I am not going to X’s home’ when you can see them saying this to you from X’s home

You ask someone “which is the best school for kids here?” it is ok if they tell you ‘I don’t know, or search this place etc’, but if they tell you ‘ this place’ and you find out this is an awful school and this person is not sending his/her child there because of the very same reason

You ask someone “what are you going to do after your course?” it is ok if they tell you ‘ I will think of jobs’ but if they tell you ‘ I don’t know I may take a break or study further’ when you clearly know that this person has accepted a job offer

You ask Mr.X “did you do 123?” it is ok if Mr and Mrs puts it ‘not so great, slightly, tried etc’, but what if Mr X says ‘we have been trying 123 for many times, failed, now prepraring for next trial, doing lots for that’ and Mrs X says ‘oh no don’t prefer 123 so never bothered trying, and wouldn’t want 123’

These are some of the very basic day to day examples. But then WHY? Why do you do that? Is it going to make any difference if you let reality flow from you to the world? The only difference that I could think of is the credibility of the person where others would see him/her only from a swindler pedestal. This in turn would be a suspicious feel on the individual and lessens the chances of one being a taker of their true stories.

The next category of behaviour is where one doesn’t hand out any clear message which is not as appalling as deceiving. Someone who is always ‘I am thinking’, ‘I am not decided yet’, ‘I don’t know’, ‘when time comes’ and the likes. But here there may be some genuine cases where the person himself/herself would be a thinker – always! But the other lot will easily be picked up from doing (purposeful) deceiving thinking for example when you pass out different information to different folks, or you become so habitual in this sort of thinking thoughts. What I have experienced is most of the people who lie for no reason get caught one way or the other. And I have seen the embarrassment they collect in their pot if the catch is in public and the difficulty for them to pursue further; and the smarter here hunts for more lies. Some of them are lucky that they will not be skinned in public, but they wouldn’t make out the real picture where others consider and act when it comes to them. Their reputation just goes way down their thoughts and their true versions tend to be perceived as frauds.